Gaybro gets a job: part 2

Gaybro and Fabio were sipping tea and enjoying warm scones with jam and cream. Marge and Homer were delighted to join them for afternoon tea on the weekends followed by a long walk with Princess in the park.

'How's Pepper's Pizza going?' Homer asked.
'Oh, I'm looking for another job right now.' Says Gaybro. Marge are Homer look confused as he still has two months left in the job, so Gaybro continues. 'Fabio's holidays are about to finish so he is going back to work and he will be needing our car, because it's a long drive to the city. So I won't have a car, and I need a job within walking distance. I mean, I can't possibly afford to buy another car and pay rent to you at the same time.'

Fabio nods 'Its true. The pizza shop is too far to walk.'

'So are you going to quit?' Marge asks. 'I have to,' Gaybro states, 'there's no other way. But I'll give them plenty of time so they can replace me before I leave. I mean, I am probably the best driver they have. Definately the most responsible.'

Marge and Homer decide to give Gaybro their second car to use while he is working. They don't really need a car each, and Pepper's Pizza is counting on Gaybro. Gee, they were so proud their son was doing so well in his new job. One day he might even be assistant manager. Marge makes a mental note to call Bobby Jo and get Gaybro a permanent position.

Brrrring.... Brrrrrring.... Brrrring... 'HOOOMER!!! ANSWER THE PHONE!'
Brrrring.... Brrring.... Brrrring... 'MARGE! GET THE PHONE!'
Marge got to the phone first.
'Mum, its Gaybro... Listen.. I'm supposed to deliver this pizza.. I can't find the house! I'm lost.' Gaybro screams hysterically down the phone. 'Get the street directory! Tell me where to go.'
'Oh, we were just about to go out. Try the GPS..'
Gaybro becomes more frantic. 'I tried the GPS, I can't understand it. Just give me directions!'
Homer faithfully went and fetched the street directory and they sat together next to the phone and directed Gaybro for the next 2 hours to three houses and back to the shop.

A few days later Gaybro was driving the pizza delivery car in the wet windy rain.The gravel roads were slippery and the wind was rocking the car. He rang Mum and Dad again for directions as everything looked different in rain and fog. Whilst talking on the phone, he drove right into the car in front at a red light! Definitely not his fault! The other car stopped too quickly. Gaybro was towed back to the shop with the car.

And that is when he quit his job. Who needs a stressful job like that? Gaybro is a qualified teacher, it's a teaching job he needs.

Gaybro Gets a Job

'Have you heard?' Mum asks.
'Oh, did he tell you?' Dad excitedly queries.
'It's great, they'll finally have some money.' Annie says.
'Maybe they can fix the gate so Princess can play in the backyard on her own.' Marge states looking wistfully out the window.

Ever since Annie took a summer job at Pepper's Pizza, Marge has asked Gaybro to apply. 'They wouldn't take me so there's no point asking.' Gaybro replied. 'I"m too old for that kind of job, they only ever pick teenagers.' Gaybro explains. 'Plus, I am a qualified teacher.'
'Sometimes,' Marge says sternly 'any job, is better than no job at all. Should I remind you that we paid your internet bill this month?'
So when Gaybro printed out his resume he didn't bother editing it. He didn't even write a cover letter. It's not like they will read it. But it will make his Mummy happy, and that means she might drive him to the movies on the weekend if he invites her to go with him. YES!

Little did Gaybro know, that Marge knew everyone in the little country town on the hills of Woolamaloo. Promptly she rang fellow member of the Church Bobby Jo. 'Bobby Jo. It's Marge here. Do you remember my son Gaybro? Yes.. well he's applied to help out at your lovely Pizza shop, and I've got a big basket of zucchini's here with your name on it.'
'Right-o Marge, I'll see to it. Zucchini's hey. Ethel will be pleased with that.'

When Gaybro started work at Pepper's Pizza the staff were happy Gaybro was old enough to work on a school night past 9 pm and had a licence. Gaybro was promoted immediately to delivery boy. He was SO proud of himself.

One Sunday afternoon we all decided to head off to the pub for a few drinks before heading home. 'Do you want to come too, for an hour or so before work?' Patsy asked.
'Yes, I will, just let me get my things.' Gaybro replied happily, wandering off into the kitchen. A few seconds later Gaybro could be heard whispering. 'Sorry... I won't be able to come in to work tonight. No I'm sick, yes I'm getting really sick. OK see you tomorrow'

'Did you just call in SICK? For a job that's only on a three month casual contract?' Betty exclaimed in disbelief when Gaybro entered the room.
Gaybro looked surprised. How dare she! He was sick! He had mouth ulcers! Heaps of them! Alcohol is good for treating mouth ulcers.
'They don't mind,' he says, 'I do it all the time.'

Anxious Annie's Last Exam

It was time for Annie to sit her last exam for year 12.The end of high school. Ever. Or was it? Maybe she will have to repeat year 12, maybe she will need to do the whole exam again. Maybe she will stuff up so badly she won't be allowed to move on.
Annie hoped this wouldn't happen. As she lined up outside the double glass doors with her schoolmates she felt fear. Her heart started beating so fast that she could feel it banging in her chest, like it was about to jump right out. Suddenly Annie couldn't remember anything. What was on the exam? What year was the revolution.. Oh God.. How do you spell the name of that leader? Annie was scared, what if she couldn't answer it all? What was going to be asked? What if she couldn't remember? If she does badly... She might fail... That would ruin her entire score for the school year! If that happens, she won't get into Uni.. Her parents will KILL her, I mean they sent her to PRIVATE school, that costs... Heaps!!
And her sisters, oh my God, what will they think, they scored so high, they were so smart. "Why can't you be more like your sisters?" That's all Annie can remember her Mum saying to her..
'Dear God, please, please, please let me do well!' Annie had studied so hard.. .for so long.. she had tried the hardest she could. Hadn't she? Oh my God, maybe it wasn't enough, maybe she shouldn't have gone out that one Friday night? Maybe she shouldn't have gone to church EVERY Sunday, that was half a day she could have spent studying! Perhaps she should have given up. She shouldn't have bothered, she'll never do well anyway. She'll never get into uni anyway. It's what her Mum always told her. "Plenty of girls do year 12 in their adult years." Marge had told her. "Maybe it's not worth the stress."
Annie couldn't bear it, if she didn't do well, she won't get into Uni. Then she'll have to do a bridging year. If she has to do a bridging year everyone will know she's just stupid. Her family will hate her. "I told you so" she imagines them saying to her, walking away in disgust. God will be disappointed with her for not working harder..
"WOW Annie, you look awful! Have you heard a single word I said?" Jessica, a fellow classmate says to her, waving her hands in front of Annie's eyes.
Annie looks up and realises this is it. Everyone is going into the exam. She missed the instructions. She doesn't know where she's sitting.

"EWWWWWWWW, " Jessica screams,  "here, take a freaken chill pill," Jessica throws the rescue remedy chewing gum at Annie. Annie gratefully puts three pieces in her mouth and walks through the doors. To her doom.
'Relax. She told herself. You can do this.'

My merry engagement: Part two

After picking out my beautiful ring Ironman took a photo with his smart phone. We then sent a picture of my engagement ring via sms to all family and closest friends. Ironman then went to work, and I went home to play xbox and do whatever else I want on my day off. 

Pretty soon the responses came in, and all my wonderful friends and all of Ironman's gorgeous family replied via sms or rang me with their congratulations and were super excited for us. Weddings ARE super exciting. 

Towards midday I realized that my Mum had not yet replied, as had neither of my family members, which was strange for them. Plus, I really wanted to announce it on facebook. So I rang mum. 

*Click* Mum hangs up. Now I don't know much about these things, since I haven't been married or engaged before, and I only have one mum, but I'm pretty sure there's meant to be a squeal of excitement and some happy emotions, perhaps even a congratulations? 

A few days later I received a card in the mail. "Happy engagement, from Homer, Marge and Annie." 

Sigh. They're mental, they really are. 

My merry engagement: Part One

                                    Just one more drink..
Whatever was on t.v was ridiculously hilarious given all the cruisers I had drunk and the bottle of wine Ironman had finished.
" I looooove you," Ironman slurs. At a certain point of alcohol, Tony always becomes extra mushy. It's the most romantic he ever is. "I love you too," I reply giving Tony a cuddle.

"Let's have a baby!" Ironman claims this as if the idea just appeared to him, and it was the best idea in the whole wide world. 

I had wanted a baby for a while, so it shouldn't have been a surprise when I answered yes to this, but it seemed to surprise Ironman.
"Wait, what?" 

"I thought you wanted to get married first?" Ironman asks me, looking a little bit concerned about where this conversation was going to go.
"Yes, I do, I want to be a family.." I tell Ironman.
After another big swig of wine straight from the bottle Ironman says "I wanted to ask you to marry me for a long time. Every morning in the shower I think about it, but then I get worried you might say no."
Ironman looks sad after he admits this, so I cuddle up to him and tell him "I love you and we are already a family, so why would I ever say no." 

Ironman does not look relieved by this, so I take a big step, out of nowhere, knowing he is what I want, I hold his hand and say "I love you, and want to be with you, will you marry me?" 

Happy Birthday

After that everyone was able to enjoy the BBQ lunch with minimal drama. Have you ever been to a birthday party for a pet? 

MOVING!

Sitting around my Nana's old dining table Gaybro proudly announces 'we're moving back to Woolamaloo.'   

'That's great, are you renting? Have you got a place? Do you have a new job?' Asks Patsy.
'We are renting a house that mum and dad brought there for us,we're so excited.'  I notice at this point mum looking sheepishly in the other direction. Fabio explains that he will now be driving from Woolamaloo into the city and back every day to work, as Gaybro currently has no job. Gaybro continues to gush about how cheap the rent will be and how excited they are to move. Fabio however, does not look excited.


'So tell us, what about work? Have you got a job?' I ask Gaybro.
Gaybro looking annoyed at the repeated question replies 'well no, but I've applied for EVERY job in the city, and there isn't one, so there will be in the country.'
Well.. this statement starts off absolute chaos. Nana is demanding mum and dad explain WHY they went out and bought a house for a non working child of 35? Whilst mum and dad just get frustrated being unable to answer sufficiently, Nana asks Gaybro curiously if there are more job opportunities in a small country town, as opposed to the big city? 

After some ranting and raving, everyone gives up and the topic changes back to something less personal. 'What movies have you seen lately?' 

Quietly I hear Fabio whisper to Gaybro 'since the house has a backyard, can we get a puppy?'
'NO.' Replies Gaybro in his nasal sneer 'nothing that shits or sheds! EVER!' 

Quick Introductions

Mum: (we'll call her Marge) when it came to writing this, I realized I know nothing about my mum or her life. I do know this is deliberate on her behalf (I don't even know her age!) What I do know is that my mum worries. A lot.

Dad: (we'll call him Homer) Homer's tactic is always keep quiet, keep away from Marge, keep out of it, and nod. Growing up, my parents weren't big on praise, hugs, or I love you's. They do however, have money, and to this day, only know how to show they care by paying for something.

Older Brother: (we'll call him Gaybro) This is self explanatory, Gaybro is the oldest, and blames his mother for his sexuality because he grew up with three sisters. Gaybro is married to Fabio, and loves fashion, music and wants to be a trophy wife. Gaybro considers himself witty.

Older Sister: (we'll call her Posh Patsy) Patsy is the smartest, and most maturest, she enjoys fine wine, walks on the beach and has her own apartment in the city with her 'wife' and dog. But, she is NOT a lesbian, and doesn't like labels.

Me: (we'll refer to me as Emily) I, of course, am perfect in practically every way. I live 2 hours away from my parents with my lovely fiance and 3 kitties. I am pretty relaxed, easy going, organised person. Although I always seem to arrive late to everything by about 10-30mins.

Youngest Sister: (we'll call her Anxious Annie) Annie is not the smartest, but bless her cotton socks she tries. Annie has an undiagnosed anxiety issue, Annie over-reacts and suffers panic attacks. Annie is a typical teenager; worrying about her weight, and is very moody, and only has about 2 friends in the world. Annie attends church every Sunday with her parents.

Significant Others: Fabio 'married' to Gaybro. Betty 'engaged/wife' to Patsy. AKA 'the boys' and 'the girls.' Ironman (Tony Stark) engaged (for real, not fake) to Emily. Sooo.. clear as mud? 

Let the madness begin...